


The Road to Hell

by Caprichoso



Series: A Father's Failures [2]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Canon Trans Character, Gen, How Alluka ended up in isolation, Parent-Child Relationship, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-26
Updated: 2015-07-26
Packaged: 2018-04-11 08:56:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4429226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caprichoso/pseuds/Caprichoso
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"This was the proverbial last meal, an act of kindness that would soon be soured by the betrayal it served to disguise. 'I have one more surprise for you, my dear,' he said, taking his child's tiny hands in his own. 'But first, would you like another ice cream?'"</p>
<p>Before Silva locks Alluka away forever, he wants to give his daughter one last happy memory.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Road to Hell

**Author's Note:**

  * For [silvercistern](https://archiveofourown.org/users/silvercistern/gifts).



> Continuing to work off of silvercistern's headcanon, because I couldn't let the father-daughter interaction go unexplored. I see Silva as a man whose love for each of his children is overshadowed only by his devotion to his family as a whole. When those two things come into conflict, it breeds terrible results. 
> 
> In this story you'll find awful parenting of a trans child, in addition to horrific treatment of Nanika, all done with the best of intentions. I'm not sure if that makes it better or worse; that's your decision to make.

 

 

"So, Alluka, do you like it?" Silva asked, kneeling and tugging gently at the sleeve of Alluka's new dress. The tailors had worked at breakneck speed after the initial fitting, turning out the new garment in the time it took the Zoldyck family to have lunch. Others were promised within the week- an entire wardrobe of dresses and sashes and blouses and skirts and accessories, all of the things Alluka had craved and coveted and been denied for so long. It had cost Silva a small fortune, but Alluka had no need to know that.

"Yup! The colors are so pretty, Daddy!" Alluka's delighted giggle should have warmed Silva's heart; instead, it left a hollowness in his gut, the likes of which he hadn't felt since he killed an innocent bystander for the first time.

Alluka suspected nothing. He-  _she_ , Silva thought, a prolonged blink sufficing where others might have shaken their heads. Silva was unlikely to ever fully grasp why Alluka was so determined to be a girl, but he would do his best to abide by his child's wishes. It was the very least he could do, given the sacrifices Alluka was going to make- that he was forcing her to make.

This was the proverbial last meal, an act of kindness that would soon be soured by the betrayal it served to disguise.

"I have one more surprise for you, my dear," he said, taking his child's tiny hands in his own. "But first, would you like another ice cream?"

"Ice cream, ice cream!" squealed Alluka, hopping with excitement. 

"Yo, did I hear ice cream?" Killua's voice rang out from across the yard. Approaching at a steady jog despite the hands shoved deep in his pockets, he made it to their side in a matter of seconds. 

"Nii-chan, Daddy has a surprise for me after ice cream!" Alluka exclaimed, releasing one of Silva's hands to take hold of Killua's sleeve, still not halting her dance.

"Oh? Another one? It's not even your birthday, Sis." Killua made a show of grumbling, but a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, and his eyes sparkled with joy- and oh, how much deeper that drove the knife into Silva's lungs.

 

* * *

 

Five minutes later, frozen treats secured and wrapped with paper towels at the bottom to combat drips, the children strolled along the hallway with Silva, each one clinging to a pair of fingers that dwarfed their entire hand. "So," said Killua, mouth ringed with chocolate up to his nose and all down his chin, "Where's the surprise, Dad?"

Slowing to a halt, Silva took a breath and weighed his words carefully. What lay ahead would be difficult enough with just Alluka; if Killua were there too, it could turn disastrous. "Killua, this surprise is just for Alluka, I'm afraid. You'll have to wait until later to find out what it is."

Blue eyes that had been glowing with joy clouded over with confusion and more than a hint of apprehension. It pained Silva to see his son jump immediately to that conclusion, but not nearly as much as knowing that Killua's instinctive distrust was to be proven right yet again. "Why does it have to just be her?" he asked, words coming out slow and cautious.

Just as Silva was about to reply, Alluka saved him. "It's okay, Nii-chan. Daddy loves us and wants us to be happy. Trust Daddy, okay?"

Killua's mouth opened, ready to fire off an objection, but he froze at the look on Alluka's face. After a moment, his eyes softened, and he forced a smile. "Okay," he said with a nod, releasing Silva's hand. "I'll ask you all about it later, Sis. Make sure you remember everything so you can tell me!" With that, he shuffled off down the hall, shooting a glance back at Silva that was filled with warning.

_Daddy loves us and wants us to be happy._

The knife twisted.

 

* * *

 

Another electronic lock beeped, another multi-ton door opening with an ominous sound, and Alluka clung to Silva's hand with both of hers, dribbles of vanilla from the still-unfinished treat bathing his knuckles. "I-is this surprise dangerous, Daddy?" she whimpered.

Silva stopped short of the final door, taking a deep breath and dropping to his knees. Beyond this door, there was no return. Alluka would know of his betrayal, and even if they managed to cure her condition one day, the damage to their relationship would be irreparable. Still, he had a final gambit, one last effort he had to make to save his child from this fate. "Alluka," he murmured, pulling one hand away to stroke her face. "Will you let me talk to... what's inside you? The other one?"

Alluka's head tilted to the side. "Why, Daddy?"

"Alluka, please," he insisted. "It's important."

The child turned away for a moment, and when that gaze returned to him, Alluka's eyes were the same color as her hair. "Papa?"

Bile rose in Silva's throat, and he resisted the urge to shake this vile creature, to scream that he was not its father. "Listen to me," he said, making an effort to keep his voice level. "Do you care about Alluka?"

The demon nodded. "Uh-huh."

"Beyond this door is Alluka's new room," Silva continued. "Her... prison. She can never leave this room again as long as you are inside her. She cannot go outside; she will never see the sky or sun or moon or stars ever again."

A tiny lip began to tremble; the monster's voice wavered, plaintive. "Papa, why? I love Papa."

Silva wanted to scream at this thing that it was incapable of love, that it was stealing from him the child who truly did love him. Instead, he bit his lip and gave a single slow nod. "And do you love Mama? And all your brothers too?"

The thing inside Alluka tilted its head, brow furrowing as empty, soulless eyes somehow brimmed with conflict. "I love Papa," it repeated. "I love Killua."

"And the others?" he insisted.

The monster shook, mouth opening and closing, trying to choke out words that would not come. Finally, it turned away. "Love Papa, love Killua, love Alluka," it whimpered.

"I love Alluka too," Silva said, forcing himself to place a hand on the creature's back. "But I have to take care of our family. I have to protect all of us. And as long as you are inside her, you are a danger to us. To protect our family, you have to go away. And that means that Alluka has to go away."

Black eyes turned up to him. "Why, Papa? Be good girl."

A faint glimmer of hope appeared in Silva's heart; this was the opportunity he had been seeking. "Do you truly want to be a good girl? To help Alluka?"

The monster's earnest nod was disconcerting, utterly free of artifice or subterfuge. Silva had spent a lifetime surrounded by lies, but here, from this creature, he saw none. Somehow, it only made him despise the thing more.

"There is only one way I can allow Alluka to be free. Will you leave Alluka forever? Will you go away and promise never to come back?"

With a horrified gasp, the thing controlling Alluka dropped the ice cream, clutching at Silva's arms. "Papa, no! I love Papa," it wailed. "I love Alluka. Keep Alluka safe, be good girl, Papa. Please?"

Silva's heart hardened to steel once more. He should have known better than to hope for mercy from a monster. "If you will not do what must be done to save Alluka, then I have no choice," growled Silva. "Now let me talk to Alluka."

Tears escaped from the demon's eyes. "Papa-"

Silva's patience snapped. Seizing the creature by both shoulders, he shook it bodily. "Let me speak with my daughter!" he roared. "Now!"

Black eyes slid shut, and a keening cry tore through the air. When those eyes opened once more, Alluka had returned, but her tears only increased. "D-Daddy," she sobbed. "Why? Why, Daddy?" The effort of standing became too great, and she dropped to her knees, burying her face in Silva's knees.

Every paternal instinct inside Silva screamed at him to hold his child close, to stroke her hair and murmur comforting words, reassurances that everything would be all right. But in years of fatherhood, he had never lied to his children... and there was no way that he could say this would be all right. Instead, he merely let Alluka cry; he had forfeit the right to comfort her.

When Alluka's tears had subsided somewhat, Silva permitted himself to touch her shoulder. "Alluka. Alluka, please listen to me. This is very important."

The child looked up with red-rimmed eyes and swollen cheeks. She swallowed hard, her next breaths coming out as a sob, but after a few seconds, she regained at least some composure.

Silva's hand came to rest on Alluka's face, thumb smudging away a teardrop. "I wish there were another way, any other way, to keep our family safe. Killua and I will come to visit you. I promise that I will continue to take care of you; anything you want, merely ask, and I will do my best to give it to you. I am no longer worthy to call myself your father, but I will always, _always_ care for you. Do you understand?"

Alluka's eyes squeezed shut, tears beginning anew as her face contorted in anguish, but she nodded and remained silent apart from a few sniffles.

"I will never ask that you forgive me for this, Alluka, but I hope you understand..." Silva took another painful breath, the hand that was not on Alluka's face balling into a fist. "I hope you understand that I am so, so sorry."

One, two, three shuddering breaths went through Alluka's body, then she slowly rose to her feet. Her lip still trembled, but in her eyes, there was only determination and acceptance. "I'm ready, Daddy," she said.

Silva's fingers did not tremble or hesitate as he input the final code. No final words passed between him and his child, nor even a last embrace. When the door closed, he strode away, utterly expressionless. To a casual observer, he was utterly composed.

Only Silva knew just how much, in that moment, he longed for the luxury afforded to other fathers- the ability to weep for their daughters.


End file.
